A version of this ran in the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

Things we learned don’t matter in 2016:

Polls don’t matter
Pundits don’t matter
Debates don’t matter
Fact checking doesn’t matter
Facts don’t matter
Honesty doesn’t matter
Newspaper endorsements don’t matter
Tax returns don’t matter
Medical records don’t matter
Flip flopping doesn’t matter
Approval ratings don’t matter
War chests don’t matter
Grabbing genitals doesn’t matter
Ground games don’t matter
Experience doesn’t matter
Competence doesn’t matter
Policy doesn’t matter
Foreigners don’t matter
Being compromised by the FSB doesn’t matter
Hair doesn’t matter

 
What matters?

Charisma matters
Entertainment matters
Panache matters
Promises matter
Narrative matters
Rural America matters
Emails matter
Patronizing matters
Elitism matters
Hopelessness matters
Vision matters
Bubbles matter
Tribalism matters
Turnout matters
Identity matters
Religion matters
Race matters
Gender matters
Anger matters
Fear matters