For those of you who missed it, a few weeks back there was a major outbreak of penis theft in the Democratic Republic of Congo, in which 13 people were arrested for the crime. It’s a place that, to my knowledge, one’s manhood had previously been perfectly safe. As I wrote about in my story on it, magical penis loss has occurred as far away as China, Thailand, Singapore and India. There was even an outbreak of “penis-melting Zionist robot combs” in the Sudan and a few isolated incidents among drug users in the West (“Whoa, dude!”) which don’t seem to spread. But Congo, as far as the research goes, is new territory. It even made The Daily Show.